Twas The Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even ABC Mouse;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Snapchat would catch St. Nicholas there;
The children were nestled all snug in their bed,
While visions of Minecraft danced in their heads;
And mamma in her snuggie and I, trying not to cringe,
Had just settled in for a long Netflix binge;
When out on the lawn, a sound like a crack,
I sprang from my bed to check my LiveWatch app;
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and waited for backlash.
Stranger Things on the window, glowing behind,
Gave a lustre of something not like humankind,
When my wondering eyes took a look over yonder,
They saw a miniature sleigh and eight tiny ChoreMonsters,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment, St. Nick had a Fitbit.
More rapid than Bolt, his data insane!
And he whistled, and shouted, then called them by name:
“Now, Arlo! Now, Theodore! Now, Scrubbin Mushbump!
On, Rocky Rolls! On, Iggy Pine! On, Wuzzle Jumplump!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now clean it up, clean it up, clean it up all!”
As chores piled up and the kids catch shut eye,
When the Monsters met the obstacle, to the cleaning they fly;
So up to the housetop the Monsters they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys and cleaning supplies too –
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The clumping, and clawing of each little goof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St. Nick and his monsters went to town.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
The Monsters were sweeping up all of the soot;
A bundle of smart toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked to the Nest for a quick heat hack.
His eyes – how they twinkled for the toys that he carried!
His cheeks were like roses, the toys, how they varied!
The monsters drool fell onto the floor below,
But their mops and their rags wiped it up, Ho-Ho-Ho!
The gifts: three tablet cases and some bluetooth speakers,
A Simon Air, 3D printer, NES Classic and Nike sneakers!
The monsters were wacky, and a little bit smelly,
They shook when they laughed, they sang old-school Nelly;
Some were chubby and plump, others small as an elf
And I laughed when I saw them, in spite of myself;
With a wink of an eye, and a twist of a head
Soon let me know I had nothing to dread;
They spoke not a word, only grunts and giggles,
And filled all our stockings, and did chores as they wiggled,
Then St. Nick, with his finger aside of his nose,
Gave a quick “Humph” and up the chimney they rose;
They sprang to the sleigh, and the team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew with the speed of a fart missile.
But I heard them exclaim, as they rode out of sight-
“Merry Christmas to all, we did your chores tonight!”

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