This piece was written by Sara Ortiz of The HeartFull Journey.
As a woman and single mom, hoping to one day share my life and home with a guy again, I’m excited to find this new app from FamilyTech called HoneyDo. This app does just what you think; it helps couples communicate and divvy up household chores and other tasks. And, it has an added bonus of allowing couples to set rewards which can be earned by completing chores. This gamification element transforms the mundane aspects of a relationship (i.e. chores and communicating about chores) into a pleasant and competitive activity. It also makes planning date nights, me-time and even fun, adult time easier.
I don’t know about you, but toward the end of my marriage, conversations with my ex-husband were more about chores and miscommunication and what we weren’t getting from each other than they were about anything related to love and what actually brought us together in the first place. During my marriage, I lost count of how many times I thought, “I wish we could be a team. It always feels like him against me.” A breakdown in our communication and our ever-expanding score sheets solidified a wedge between us. This was not the only cause of our breakup, but it was a contributing factor.
So, it’s no surprise that what I love most about HoneyDo is that the goal of this app is to help couples work toward common goals.
The most basic goal of any relationship should be staying together. Yet, so often, couples make irrelevant details the center of their relationship, putting more value on who does or doesn’t do what, rather than on shared values like honesty or commitment. Again, I don’t know about you, but thinking back on my failed marriage I never thought, “Gee, if only he would have taken out the garbage like I asked then we would still be together.” Sure, at the time, when I was dealing with the hurt and frustration of our crumbling marriage, I did think that taking out the garbage had the potential of being our saving grace. Since then, and after gaining a lot of perspective, I realize that our obsession with making sure we were pulling equal weight was a symbol of the deeper pain we were burdened with.
I think couples tend to focus on chores and other insignificant minutiae of their relationship as a way to deflect from the more important issues they are unhappy with. Arguing about chores is easy compared to real discussions about feelings and unhealed pain. In the end, they focus on the things that keep them apart, rather than the things that brought them together.
I’m not saying chores and other responsibilities aren’t important. The tasks of daily living are part of a relationship but they do not make a relationship. The ability, willingness, and more importantly, the choice to come together, day after day, to complete these chores for the shared common goal of staying together is what actually makes a relationship.
I highly recommend HoneyDo to any woman who is blessed enough to share her life with someone again. Knowing that this app exists gives me hope that the frustrations from my past relationship will not be repeated.
Being in a relationship requires a unique balance of love and prudence. Managing the details of your lives together has the potential of breaking you apart. Refocusing on the love and the values you share will keep you together. HoneyDo is more than an app. It’s a tool that turns the practical, often times divisive, part of a relationship into a pleasant activity, allowing couples to return their focus to what matters most.
Sara Woodard-Ortiz, owner of The HeartFull Journey, is an ally for heartbroken moms who are going through separation and divorce. Her goal is to help moms love themselves during and after divorce as a way to build a foundation to attract a new, satisfying relationship. Sara lives in Danville, IL with her daughter, Olivia, and their cats, Bianca and Katniss. When Sara is not working on her business, you can find her playing Minecraft or drinking coffee at a local cafè.